This pic was likely taken the year I was diagnosed with epilepsy. 1976.
I’m just a few weeks away from turning 40 and feeling very uneasy about the whole thing. Saying I’m FORTY just doesn’t sound accurate or comforting in any way. But I’m determined to embrace it the best I can.
One of the ways I’ve been addressing this discomfort is reminding myself that 40 years in, I have a good handle on who I am and I’ve managed to do a fair number of things in my life.
Identity is important to me. My confidence has always come from tapping into what makes me Sarah—the good and the bad. There’s only one of me, right? Now I haven’t climbed Mt Everest or learned how to drive, but I’ve lived on my own in Newfoundland and I’ve found my way onto the tour bus of The Band—two experiences not to be forgotten and that have helped make me who I am.
In a way, I’ve found myself doing a reverse bucket list these last few months—in other words, recounting all the things I have managed to accomplish or experience in my 40 years on earth. Some may seem trivial but when lumped together, they make for a pretty satisfying journey thus far. In no particular order, here are the drops that comprise my bucket on the edge of 40.
- I’ve lived in no less than 28 different houses or apartments, in 5 different cities across Canada
- I’ve worked at McDonalds, I’ve cleaned toilets, done retail, been a chambermaid, acted as guest liaison for Tom Green and a public affairs officer for our nation’s brightest researchers
- I’ve asked Norman Jewison for his signature (not autograph) and had him say in return “Sarah Wilkinson! I’ve been seeing your name all over the place. Nice to finally meet you!”
- I’ve sat beside Rick Danko and Levon Helm on a tour bus and even got to sing a few bars of a song with Rick.
- I’ve climbed heights great enough (Mt Garibaldi) to experience colder air and less oxygen
- I’ve visited Jimi Hendrix’s grave
- I lived with epilepsy as a child
- I’ve been a stand-in on a Canadian feature film, Dirty
- I’ve had books influence who I am and what is important to me – The Catcher in the Rye, The Beautiful and Damned, The Death and Life of Great American Cities…
- I’ve had movies do the same — Saturday Night Fever, The Last Waltz, Manhattan, Frankie & Johnny, The Big Chill, Goin’ Down the Road
- I’ve gotten piss drunk a few times and have partaken of a few other mind-altering substances
- I’ve had Plantar’s warts, a blue nevus, mono, scarlet fever, a broken arm, a total thyroidectomy, a C-section, ingrown toenail surgery, mistakenly stabbed my palm with an X-acto knife, and experienced roughly 10 vasovagal episodes in my life.
- I found my husband and my oldest son on the Internet
- I’ve seen UB40, Indigo Girls, The Northern Pikes, Crash Test Dummies, The Tragically Hip, Steely Dan, The Band, Lauryn Hill, Ben Harper, Jamiroquai and Van Morrison in concert
- I’ve written letters to the editor
- I’ve been on a school bus with a keg of beer and no bathroom
- I’ve voted in many an election
- I’ve been on a French exchange that was a disaster and flew home early
- And last but by no means least, I’m a mother at age 40 of 2 dear and distinctly different boys who enrich my life in the most delightful ways.
Not bad, I must say. And with average life expectancy on the upswing, my life is really only half over, right?
